Welcoming Katya

Afterall, we have six kids, an active ministry, a full life.  Where will we find the time, energy, money, space to bring another child into our family?  What will be the impact upon "our" kids?  What if it doesn't "work out?"  What if she doesn't really become a part of your family?  What will this mean for your ministry?  Valid questions that I have wrestled with over the past few months as we have prayed and fasted about our future, Katya's future, and if these are linked. 

"How could we consider adopting Katya?"  How could we not?  God has stirred our hearts and moved us in unity.  He has spoken to our hearts through preaching, teaching, and in our intimate time with Him in the Word.  He orchestrated our trip to Ukraine and Katya's trip here.  He has given us love for a little blond-haired brown-eyed girl who needs a family.  He has shown us a glimpse of her likely future if she stays in the orphanage, and that tears us to pieces. 

Today, we send in our application for adoption services along with a deposit.  This is the first tangible step toward adopting Katya.  Over the next weeks and months, I'll continue to post our progress.  In the meantime, I'd love your prayers for us and for Katya. 

How could we consider adopting Katya?  How could we not? 





  

 

It's been two weeks since Katya disappeared before church and five of us walked the grounds at The Covenant School to find her.  She had found a rope swing nowhere near anything else and was just going back and forth.  She knew it was her last real day.  I wonder what she was thinking.  I wonder what she was feeling. 

During the past two weeks, we've shed some tears, but we've also laughed at the "Katya-isms" that are becoming part of our family:

"Da-dum, da-dum, da-dum, da-dum, da-dum, da-da-da-dum, dum-dum-dum-dum" - In case you're not yet in tune with the Katya-isms, that's the theme to the "Pink Panther."  I cannot tell you how many of these we watched on YouTube.

"Gre-es" - that's my second daughter's name in English/Russian.  Those are short "e's"  and two syllables.  Perhaps she is speaking Southern Russian. 

 "Tanner, Topsy - stand!" - Those are our two golden retrievers.  She loved to tell them what to do.  She particularly loved to tell them to "Stand!"  They don't know "Stand."  They know "Sit," "Down," and "Park-it."  But they don't know "Stand."  Tanner, particularly, would gaze at Katya with this confused expression as she insisted that he "STAND!"

We miss her.  As I sang to Katya every night while she was with us, I continue to pray ...

but I do know who holds the future."  This is one of the last words of wisdom my grandmother gave to me.   It remains as true to my heart today as it was when my grandmother's last few days were so uncertain.  Now, she is beholding the face of Jesus, dancing before His throne, and praising Him with more health and vigor than I can imagine on my best day.

He does hold the future and He gives us glimpses of our ultimate future.  A Day is coming the clouds will roll back.  When the trump shall resound.  When the Lord shall descend.  A terrible and glorious Day is coming.  Ultimately, every tear shall be dried up.  All will be made right.  There will be no more orphans. 

My ultimate hope is in this Day and even more so in the Person of Jesus Christ who is the LORD of Hosts, beautiful in glory, worthy of worship, the One who did not abandon us as orphans.

The rest of our family is leaving tomorrow for several days in the NC mountains with 20 cousins, eight aunts and uncles, and two grandparents.  I'm going to put the posting on hold during this time.  Please check back next week as we pray and process annd seek the One who holds the future. 

That's what I feel like this morning.  And, I didn't take a one.  My legs feel like lead and my heart is heavy as I collect laundry, wash sheets, and consider the various household management tasks for the day.  Perhaps the saddest thing so far was collecting the hat where "Tanner" slept for the past couple of weeks.  One of our dogs is named "Tanner."  When Bill's parents came to visit, Grandmom brought a beautiful gift bag with colorful tissue paper and the promise of a present tucked inside.  Katya wouldn't even look at it.  I labeled the bag "Katya,"  (really I labeled it K-A-T- backwards R, because that's how you spell Katya in Russian) to make sure she knew it was hers.  I put it at her place at the dinner table.  I told her that this was for her.  But she wouldn't even look at it.  Perhaps she'd never received such a pretty little package - I don't know.

But the next morning, I helped her open it, and it was love at first sight.  She named this miniature Bernese Mountain Dog, "Tanner," and he began to peform a variety of tricks in the hands of Katya.  Tanner is an amazing dog.  He can climb yo-yo strings.  He can do nose dives off of a comparable height of 30 stories and land on the wooden floor unscathed.  He can carry playmobil puppies on his back.  Tanner can do just about anything.  And at night, Tannner sleeps (slept) in a straw hat lined with the pretty tissue paper from the gift bag in which he was delivered.

Until last night.  Last night, I don't know where Tanner slept.  He left from Dulles Airport in the outside pocket of a pink backpack.  Also in this backpack were four Dr. Seuss books, a Disney Princess sticker book, a change of clothes, a toothbrush and toothpaste, four granola bars, a Melissa and Doug stamp kit, and a photo album of our time with Katya (with 30 grivna tucked in the back leftover from our spring trip).   

This morning, I stripped Katya's bed and found the straw hat with the tissue paper at the foot of the bed.  I miss her.  And I feel a bit like I have a Tylenol PM hangover.   Last night Katya slept in an airplane hurtling across the Atlantic Ocean and I imagine that Tannner slept in her arms.




 

for my power is is made perfect in weakness."  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 

We need Christ's power.  This power, this "dunamis," is inherent in the very nature of God.  It is one of the riches of His glory that is available to us through the Spirit.   We need Christ's power to make it through the next few days.  We need Christ's power and so we will boast in our weakness.

In our weakness, we want to begin to withdraw.  We want to box off our emotions and do the necessary tasks to get Katya ready to go.  We want to pretend that Monday is not coming.  We want to do these things because we are too weak.  We're too weak to experience the loss ... and survive. 

We're too weak in ourselves, Lord.  We're too weak.  So please, Jesus, as you did for Paul, pour out your power upon us.  We're humbling ourselves beneath Your gaze because we are too weak to stand on our own.  In our flesh, we want to protect ourselves from the wrenching loss that we are facing.  But, by Your Spirit, we want to bare our hearts to fully engage and be a fleshly expression of your heart for Katya.  So pour out Your power upon us that our love for Katya would abound more and more in true knowledge and depth of insight.   And, Jesus, my mother's heart is breaking.  Protect her,  Jesus.  Protect her.
 

that TATTLING was a good thing?  These past few days, Katya has become a TATTLER and I'm overjoyed!  You see, early on, Katya's mode of coping when things didn't go her way was to withdraw, go to a flat affect, and just accept whatever was happening.  For me, the saddest incident happened on our way to church that first Sunday.  She was desperately trying to get Polly Pocket's dress on.  If you've tried to dress Polly, you know that this is hard.  Katya tried and tried.  Piper offered to help and I offered to help again and again, but I doubted she understood what we were offering.  So, gently, I removed Polly from her hands and showed her how to put the dress on.  Then I handed her back.  But Katya wouldn't even look at me, wouldn't take Polly, and just stared out the window. 

Then we went through a more tumultuous season which was VERY challenging, but I saw it as a step in the right direction because emotion was coming out.  If something didn't go her way, who ever was IN the way was bit, hit, kicked, spit at, etc.  Sometimes it was fairly minor, but nearly all the kids had bite marks at one time or another.  Most of the time I was able to get there quickly so the full force of the rage came against me.  And, several times it was pretty impressive. 

But, we haven't seen that in over a week now.  And I'm not at a constant state of low-level tension.  She's become one of the kids.  How nice!  Now, when someone does something that she doesn't like, she comes to ME!  "Piper did this."  "Cameron did that."  "Josiah did something else."  Usually it is these three, but the only thing I can usually understand in the midst of the Russian is the name.  Often, the offending party hasn't done anything really wrong, they've just wanted a toy back, splashed her with water, or whatever.  But, I go with Katya and she shows me what's bothering her  and we talk about it.  The kids have been great.  Even if there was no intent behind the offense, they say, "Sorry," give her a hug and go on.  They know that I know that it wasn't a big deal, and they're okay.  And Katya's okay.  She's found her "Mama" to be one that she can go to with her problems.  I'll listen and do what I can to make it right.  She's coming to trust us. 

And I've been thinking of how it is for us when we come in to God's family.  At first we don't know if He's trustworthy.   We've seen our need for a Savior and have become convinced that He alone fits the bill.  But then, we've got to get to know Him - to see Him as more than the one who paid our debt on the cross.  We've got to spend time with Him and learn what He's like, learn what it's like to be His daughter.  We've got to learn to turn to Him with our struggles, our pain, our frustration and have confidence that He LOVES us. We've got to learn what it's like to climb up in His lap and beat His chest with our fists, cry tears of frustration on His shoulder, and drift off to sleep with the rhythym of His heartbeat in our ear.  He loves us unconditionally and unequivocally.  I'm still learning this and will continue to grow deeper in my understanding of His pleasure in me, but because of who He is, I'm going to keep pressing into Him and seeking to know Him more. 


I'm honored that Katya is finding me trustworthy.  But, it's weighty and I feel the seriousness of her confidence.  I'm going to let her down.  I'm sure on Monday, she'll feel that Bill and I are letting her down and I'm prepared (at least intellectually) for her to revert to more ingrained coping mechanisms as we hug good-bye.  As much as she may feel it, we're not letting her down.  We're doing what has to be done.  And we're not sharing all of our hopes and dreams with her because we're still waiting for God's plan to unfold.   If you feel like God is letting you down or has done so in the past, maybe He just knows more than you.  Maybe the temporary pain, as wrenching as it is, is worth it for something that He knows and you don't.  He's more trustworthy than I'll EVER be able to be.  And He loves it when we come to Him tattling, whining, crying.  His lap is big and safe and He can take it. 

For Katya, tattling is a GOOD thing!

We haven't gone to the beach, Washington, D.C., or even Williamsburg.  We haven't even been to Monticello, or UVA Grounds, or the Downtown Mall.  Mostly our days have been hanging out at home, doing math fact sheets, painting peaches, going to the pool, having dinner on our back porch, watching Pink Panther on YouTube, swinging in the tree swing, reading lots of Dr. Seuss, and riding BIKES!  (Thanks, Joan!)


Katya's situation is a bit unusual.  She is at the orphanage (or boarding school) M-F.  On the weekends, she's with her grandmother.  Her grandmother signed the adoption papers changing Katya's status from "social orphan" to "pure orphan" in March 2008 because she is unable to care for her any longer. 


The dormitory for the kids has been under renovation since 2003 and so the children are housed 1/2 mile away at another facility.  Regardless of the weather, the children walk between the sites.  To read more about Katya's orphanage and see more pictures, you can visit this link:  http://www.odessachildrenscharity.org/boardingschool5.html










 

This is what the Finleys would be if the children had their way and if Bill and I gave in to our hearts.  "Why can't we just keep her?"  And you know, I wonder the same thing.  I don't understand why adoption has to be SO hard.  I don't understand why it has to cost so much money and why there are so many hoops to jump through.  Millions and millions of children around the world are languishing in institutions only to be turned out on the street at 15 with no chance for life.  Sure, I know that the cost and difficulties of adoption fence out some unsavories from adopting, but there are plenty of families who would do this, if it didn't seem impossible. 

It seems impossible for us too.  And, in many ways it is.  But we serve a God who loves to show Himself in the impossible.  The more impossible it is, the more glory He gets.  The more glory He gets, the more fullness of joy is ours. 

So why can't we just keep her?  Because they are expecting her at Dulles Airport at 7:30 AM on Monday morning.  And, as much as we hate it, she'll be there.   So pray for us.  Our hearts are breaking.

Katya is fitting RIGHT into the Finley Family.  Finleys' favorite toys are homemade bows and arrows, mulch for drawing on the driveway, tree swings, and PEACHES.  We have late peaches in our backyard.  Right now, they are small and green.  But, Katya thought they were perfect.  So, she comes into the house with a bucket full of these underripe peaches.  We cover the kitchen table with newspaper and pull out the paints and all the kids proceed to decorate these peaches. 

So, when life gives you hard, green, underripe peaches - make PYSANKY!




Pysanky are Ukrainian Easter Eggs.   Here's the technique - you write on blown eggs with a wax stylus and then dip it in the dye.  You continue to write and dip, and write and dip, and write and dip until the egg is completed to your satisfaction. 

But, this was not Katya and the kids' technique.  However I found them to be more beautiful than any I saw in Ukraine.


 

 

Thank goodness!  Okay, so this is probably not happening in EVERY host family's home, but here in the Finley Household, summer school is happening.  Today, as ususal, Piper had a math fact sheet to do.  Just for fun, I gave one to Katya.  Wouldn't you know, she completed it lickety-split!